“Little eyes are open but they’re sinking back again”: On Teaching and Being a Graduate Student and being Perpetually Tired

In the past couple of weeks I’ve gotten several emails from friends and colleagues interested in pursuing a Ph.D. While I’m still very much in the midst (perhaps in the trenches) of my current academic program, I thought it might be useful to share my thoughts about the program, undergoing the graduate study while still teaching and answering miscellaneous questions at large. I do this in the hopes that it may be useful to other prospective teachers/doctoral students. The information below may sound simplistic or less than insightful – I’m trying to pin down the basic information I regularly get asked about the studies I am involved in (obviously, this may not be a post for general readers’ interest). If there are other questions that you would like to see addressed or explained in further detail, please throw in a comment below and I’ll update this post.

What program are you in and do you like it?

I’m currently in the Urban Schooling division in the Graduate School of Education and Information Studies at UCLA. Although there is always minor quibbling, I am generally satisfied with the program, the work it’s provoked from me, and guidance it has helped provide. I am appreciative of the small cohort of classmates I regularly interact with that have helped challenge me and of many of the professors that are available to interact with when I am on campus. To be clear – as it pertains to questions of time management below – I am currently a full time doctoral student and a full time high school English teacher.

Why are you getting a Ph.D.? What are you going to do with it?

PhDs are, for the most part, earned to enter a specific job market around academia. Most professors I’ve worked with expect doctoral students to join the ranks of college professors though there are many, many other options. I will say for now that I am interested in staying in the secondary classroom for a while and that my decision to return to graduate school relates to loftier goals of reshaping public perceptions of teachers as researchers. I can elaborate on this at a later point, but I want to heavily stress that getting a PhD is not going to necessarily improve your classroom practice or get you any kind of promotion – National Board Certification or EdD programs are going to better meet these kinds of career goals if this is what you are interested in.

As much as this is a rambling response, I cannot overemphasize that you should have a clear vision and reason to enter a PhD program, that you are confident that a doctorate will actually fulfill this vision, and that the programs you are applying to are best suited to what you are doing (engaging professors in this conversation prior to sending off applications would be an extremely good use of your time).

Do you recommend going to school and teaching at the same time?

No. I think my most pertinent reasons for this are in the answer to the next question.

How do you balance going to school and teaching at the same time? How do you manage your time?

Short Answer: I’m not really sure.

Longer Answer: The time commitments of graduate school are significant. If you’ve spent time in a classroom (and if not, why are you reading this?), you already know the considerable demands beyond the time in the classroom. To be clear I’ve spent a lot of time either working or teaching or studying or writing or presenting or lesson planning. Over the past two years, the time I’ve had for socializing and relaxing has been more limited than prior to the program. Being completely candid, this has been taxing on my personal life.

Logistically, it is difficult to make these two programs fit together: most graduate classes I’ve taken are offered only during the day. I’ve done my best to stack classes so that if I am to miss a day of teaching my time is being utilized most efficiently; I’ve had quarters where I’ve had straight classes from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. which is an exhausting day that can feel even more daunting when you arrive home at 10 only to remember you’re behind on grading, lesson planning, or reading. The courses move at a rigorous pace, it is easy to fall behind and not so easy to catch up. I am perpetually tired once the quarter is up and running and have managed to thrive on less sleep than I would prefer. I’ve also been extremely fortunate to have colleagues that were willing to cover my classes when I am not around and an extremely flexible administration that is aware of my graduate studies.

Because my high school is on a year round schedule I get occasional scheduling reprieves where there are periods where I am not teaching and can focus solely on being a graduate student.

In regards to time management, I really can’t find myself recommending trying to do both of these jobs simultaneously. I am aware that this sounds hypocritical, but I can also attest that there have been periods that I’ve questioned how worthwhile it was for me to continue staying in the doctoral program. I know I have not been as effective a teacher as I had been prior to this program and see this as a two-year period of being mildly selfish. It does, however, weigh on me that I would be able to offer much more to students were I not currently a student myself.

How much do you pay? Do you have loans? How do you afford it?

Though this is not the case for all students, I am currently receiving scholarship, fellowship, and grant funding that pays for my tuition (this may no be the case next year). As a result, my expenses at UCLA are essentially covered. My salary as a teacher maintains my regular monthly expenses.

If you are thinking about becoming a full time student, it is definitely possible to do so without taking loans. A classmate is currently supporting a family of three as a graduate student. I do not know if I would be able to maintain the same kinds of leisure spending habits or current apartment if I were only a student. So while financial aid seemed (in my case) to be available, I would caution you to think about what kinds of changes you are willing to make if you are leaving one kind of classroom for another.

Are there other responsibilities you are required to fulfill as part of the graduate program?

Some of my fellowship funding comes from being a part-time graduate student researcher. I am expected to spend about 10 hours per week fulfilling these duties. I also take on some extracurricular work doing research and collaborating with various professors or departments – all a part of expected doctoral activity. Similarly, the second year of my program is considered a “year of engagement” in which students are expected to maintain a full-time commitment to their doctoral studies. I believe this requirement may be changing in the future. At the end of the second year of course work, there is a qualifying exam that needs to be passed before advancing to candidacy and focusing on dissertation research.

How are the professors? Are they supportive of the fact that you are still teaching? How are the classes?

Classes have all generally been useful, and worthwhile. There are exceptions to this – but I think that’s been the case for me in any academic program I’ve been in. There was a lot of flexibility when it came to choosing classes and I’ve been happy with the classes I took outside of my department as well.

My interaction with the professors I’ve worked with has been especially valuable. I think because of how busy the professors I’ve worked closely with are, the fact that I’m a full time teacher doesn’t seem like a problem to them. There are some professors that discourage this but it’s never been a confrontational issue since I’ve been there. It also helps that the two advisors I’ve worked with both taught while undergoing their doctorates (this may make it sound like a common trajectory, but they are more the exception to the rule).

How long will it take to finish the program?

It depends. It would be nice to finish within four years. But I haven’t ruled out the fact that I’ll need more time for additional data collection for my dissertation. My initial game plan (that I’m still loosely sticking to) looks like this: the first two years are for completing course work, the third year is for proposing a dissertation study and collecting data, the fourth year is for analysis and writing.

How did you decide to enroll in the program you are currently in? What other schools did you apply to?

This will sound incredibly lazy, but I didn’t apply to other schools. I knew I wanted to stay in Los Angeles and stay at Manual Arts. Though there are other schools in the city that offer doctorates in education, I knew I wanted to get a PhD as opposed to an EdD, and I was already familiar with the faculty and areas of expertise in this program. Like much of my current schooling trajectory, this application process is not something I’d encourage anyone to replicate.

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